I'm Miss M. Here are some of my Online Dating tips, backed up by my sometimes hilarious, and often disconcerting stories…
What?! But why?! He was so charming, you say?
Here’s the thing…
A few days went by after our ridiculously disastrous date, and I didn’t hear from Mr Oops. And honestly, I didn’t feel compelled to get in touch with him either. Sure, he was good at dealing with my inability to stay upright, the run-in with his parents, and stalky skateboard lady… But still, something was holding me back. It was like the events of the date had left more of an impression on me than the dude himself. And that can’t be a good thing!
I thought his phone silence meant he felt the same way, but then he texted. It was nice to see he was still interested, but my heart didn’t do that jumpy happy thing it does when I like someone.
Still, since my dating pool was looking fairly shallow, I decided I’d at least engage and see what happens. So once we got past the boring, “How was your week?”, “What are you doing this weekend?”, “How’s your neighbour’s cat?” stuff, I made a joke about our first date.
And to my surprise, it totally fell flat.
What’s up with that?! It was our shared sense of humour that’d attracted me to Mr Oops in the first place. But this time around my jokes had offended him. Turns out it’s not cool to laugh about a cray date so soon after the event. First I thought he was joking just to make me sweat. But when I checked, he shut me down again, saying I should be more “sensitive”. Sensitive? Bitch please, I cry in WorkCover ads.
I then attempted to assure him I had a great time regardless, but his tone completely changed. From funny to sulky, all because he couldn’t laugh at himself.
I don’t know… Being a clumsy, impulsive, and often stupid person, I feel a chuckle is what gets me through all the sticky situations. Like the time I got breathalysed in my car after I’d had a couple of vinos… I really thought I was a goner, but the tests ended up saying that I was “just under.” The cop reluctantly let me go… Only for me to accidentally run over their witches-hat as I drove off. Oops!
Or like the time I got hit by a maxi-cab… Argh might save that story for another time.
Sure, after my oops moments my first thought is generally, “Why the hell would you do that you complete and utter idiot.” But then I laugh. A f*%kton. And that relieves the tension.
I also think a f*%kton of laughter is super important in a relationship. Why?
Because a shared laugh is a sure-fire way to feel the chemistry.
There’s no bigger tingle than when something funny happens, you piss yourselves laughing, rocking back and forth like fools, and through the teary eyes you catch each other’s gaze. And there’s a little firework that sends your spine to tingle central. Amazeballs.
Also, shit is going to get a lot harder than it is now. And laughter helps deal with hard stuff. (Hehe).
As we’ve established, the early stages of dating are awkward to say the least. But they can also be exciting, surprising, beautiful, full of promise. (I know my stories suggest otherwise, but just bear with me – I do!)
And after all the awkward, if you can see yourself with the person, you commit. And that’s when stuff gets real. And hard.
They see all of you, not just the shiny first-glance bits. I mean personality-wise, not just body-wise. Dirtbags. Also, you’re more invested, thus more vulnerable. Things hurt more, and sometimes make you question yourself. And then of course, life happens… and throws complications, exes, bad days, work things, family things, hoochies, etc etc at you. How are you meant to get through all that without laughter?
You simply can’t.
So I guess my lack of excitement and our misunderstanding about what’s actually funny was part of the reason Mr Oops and I fizzled.
The other reason was…