I'm Miss M. Here are some of my Online Dating tips, backed up by my sometimes hilarious, and often disconcerting stories…
Yes, Yes I know. Patience is a virtue. Slow and steady wins the race. Good things come to those who wait. I’m sorry, but F*#K THAT!
Here’s my favourite cliché:
Life is too bloody short!
Okay, deep breaths. I’ll do my best not to sound crazy here. So first, let me clarify that I do in fact know patience is a virtue in many scenarios. Like when we have ambitious dreams for our career. We need to work hard, be tough, and wait for the right opportunity to come up. Also, in relationships, when things get tricky. Be it with friends, family, partners or colleagues. We often need to give them space and time to work things out before we can mend the problem. Oh, and when we’re trying to get fit. As annoying as it is, it really doesn’t happen overnight.
These are just a few examples, and of course there are many more. See! I am capable of thinking rationally! But here’s when it’s not alright to wait:
When someone is stringing you along.
Yep, you guessed it. I’m talking about Mr Too Cool.
After a happy first date, and flirty text to follow up, I was feeling pretty confident that a second date was totes going to happen. Soon. So I went on living my life and every time my phone beeped with a message, my heart skipped a little beat. I was really hopeful, but surely enough, the text was never from him.
A week passed by, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do. I made a million excuses for him – He did say work was crazy busy. Maybe someone stole his phone? Oh no, what if something went seriously wrong? What if he got hurt? Or was upset? What if he’d been hit by a truck?
My hope turned to panic and I finally decided it’d be okay to text him. Just in case. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with contacting the guy before he gets onto you. But after my disappointing experiences with Mr Drainer and Mr Sex Pest I decided I deserved the excitement of being asked out. So what I’d do is send a short message to see how he’s going. This’d lead to flirty banter (as long as he hadn’t been squished by a semi-trailer) and he’d eventually ask me out. Perfect.
I sent the text, and he wrote back a few hours later. That’s reasonable, but still, waiting by the phone is possibly the worst way to spend an evening. EVERYONE has their phone on them at ALL times nowadays. So why not just write back when you read the message? I know I’m fighting a losing battle here. We’re all guilty of replying to messages hours, often days later. Shit gets busy. We might be out. Or in the shower. Or working… Etc. Etc. Etc. So I thought nothing of it and replied to him – a few hours later. Shut up. I was in the shower.
Our conversation spanned over a few days and got increasingly cheeky. But still, no date invite.
I felt strange about it at the time, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
*** Spoiler Alert: Things didn’t work out with Mr Too Cool. Despite my optimism, I (after months) realised the dude that keeps you waiting without an explanation is not the dude for you. He is not worth the virtue of patience. He’s not the prize at the end of your slow and steady race. And he is certainly not the good thing you have been waiting for.
I didn’t know it at the time, but if he really wanted things to work out with me, he would have done something about it. It sounds so damn simple, but sometimes we want something so badly that we refuse to see what’s actually going on. Oh, the beauty of hindsight.
So I’ve ruined the ending of this one for you, but I reckon it’s still worth sharing the ups and downs that got me there. Together we can analyse the warning signs and the moments that validated my hope… Just like watching an accident waiting to happen (another shitty thing to wait for).
I was obviously feeling a little disappointed that Mr Too Cool wasn’t dying to see me. But I persevered through the texts (that were starting to feel increasingly lame). And although my gut was telling me to move on, the next thing that happened ROCKED MY WORLD.
It was like the Universe was telling me: HE’S THE ONE, JUST HANG IN THERE…