I'm Miss M. Here are some of my Online Dating tips, backed up by my sometimes hilarious, and often disconcerting stories…
Okay, so to recap the beginnings of my first date with Mr Too Cool, I was crouched behind a tree, spying on a scary person in double denim, considering whether I should do a runner.
By now, you must be thinking it’s another disaster date for Miss M. But maybe my luck was changing?
All of a sudden, my phone started ringing and Mr Too Cool’s name came up. How was that possible? I was spying on him, and he was already talking on his phone… I had to get to the bottom of this. So I answered the call, very reluctantly. And that’s when I heard the words that brought me great relief, and embarrassment:
“Is that you hiding behind a tree?” Oh. Damn.
I turned around to see a tall hunk walking my way, pissing his pants laughing.
“What the hell are you doing?” Was the next thing he said. I stuttered while coming up with a non-creepy answer, but I soon decided honesty was my best bet, so I told him I was scared he was the double denim man. I waited for a response, but all I got was more laugher. However he was so warm that I quickly saw the humour in the situation and started laughing with him, laughing AT me.
I should’ve felt mortified, but I was really happy. His reaction to my creepiness proved that he has a sense of humour, unlike Mr Drainer… Yuck. Also, unlike Mr Sex Pest, I was the weirdo in this situation. And if he was okay with that, so was I.
But that’s when I realised…
He was dressed in all-white. Shorts and t-shirt to be exact. I’m no fashion guru myself, neither am I (overly) judgemental when it comes to dress sense. But clothes are such a big part of the first impression, so bear with me here.
As I took him in, he quickly explained that he had a squash game straight after our date, hence the gear. I didn’t know how to take that. My first thought was, “Do people still play squash?” My second thought was how much I like the yellow vegetable Squash. I really should eat it more.
But then I thought, “Hey, at least he’s not the obnoxious man on the corner.” Who, by the way, was still talking absurdly loudly on his phone at this stage. It’s funny how that happens. If I’d mistaken Ryan Gosling for my date and Mr Too Cool showed up, I’d be disappointed. But with a feral dude looming in front of me, Mr Too Cool was close to Prince Charming.
And so, we went for a stroll and found a cafe together. Despite his laziness in actually picking a venue, he was most chivalrous and asked what I felt like. We sat in the sun, and the conversation flowed freely. The only time it got awkward was when I said something stupid. What could I do?! I was nervous…
And that only happens when I like someone.
I’m racking my brains to tell you funny stories from the date but it was simple, pure, honest conversation. We talked about work, TV shows we like, and our friends. He definitely seemed to share my family values. He was ambitious at work, but prioritised his social life. Oh, and he had the cutest smile that put little wrinkles in his nose. Tick. Tick. Tick.
I left the date feeling positive. No matter what happened with Mr Too Cool, my faith in Online Dating was restored. So I went around to my darling mate’s place and shared many vinos with the girls while retelling my awesome story. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face even if I wanted to. And to make things even more exciting – he sent me a text a few hours after the date (presumably once he’d finished playing Squash). Yay! A text straight after the date… That means he wasn’t a game-player. And more importantly:
That means he liked me!!!
So naturally, the girls and I started fantasising about our next amazing date. But as fate would have it, it wasn’t going to be that easy…
I haven’t named him Mr Too Cool for nothing!