I'm Miss M. Here are some of my Online Dating tips, backed up by my sometimes hilarious, and often disconcerting stories…
What would you do if your next Online Suitor was too cool to pick a cafe and asked you to meet him on a street corner?
The logical answer would be to tell him to piss off. Or stand him up… Or drive past and splash him with a giant muddy puddle. Right? Wrong.
You see, after my heart-wrenching break up with Mr Sex Pest I was driven into a complete romance dry spell. I’m not sure if it was because Mr Sex Pest made me lose confidence? Or whether he simply made me cringe at the thought of meeting another sleaze-face, thus forcing me to avoid communication with anyone even slightly flirty.
This is why Mr Too Cool appealed to me. He wasn’t cheeky, saucy, or even funny. I know that sounds like a bit of a boring combination, but his dry personality gave me a sense of comfort. I never saw myself ending up with someone like him, but I started thinking it could be perfect… He could bring balance to my life. He could be the quiet, peaceful, serious Yin – to my loud, impulsive, often crazy Yang.
My gut told me to go for it. And as we now know, our gut should be listened to… More than any other organ in our body, that’s for sure.
So after some generic small talk over email, Mr Too Cool and I decided to meet. I was so determined, so optimistic for him to be a good guy. So much so that when he asked me to meet between Street X and and Street ARE YOU FOR REAL, I agreed. Don’t dis me.
In his (and my) defence, Mr Too Cool was chokers at work. He was developing strategies to help our emergency services deal with bush fires all over the country. He was busy being a HERO, so I forgave the fact he couldn’t book us a table. BUT, I promised myself I’d keep my wits about me this time. This date was an opportunity to evaluate the kind of person he is – in real life. If he showed early signs of being a douche I’d definitely NOT agree to a second date.
So I found my optimist hat, and put together a sophisticated outfit that didn’t scream, “I’m waiting on a street corner for a man.”
The pressure was on, and I knew first impressions would mean everything.
As I slowly approached our street corner of choice (I should probably mention this was an afternoon coffee date – so perhaps not as creepy as it sounds). Anyway, as I approached, I saw a man waiting, talking on his phone. I was too far away to know whether it was him – all I could tell was that he DEFINITELY was not someone I’d choose to have coffee with.
He was greasy, obnoxious, vulgar with his body language… And… Oh, I don’t know if i can say it:
He was wearing double denim.
I didn’t want him to see me, so I snuck behind a tree and had a mini freak out. Like a total wimp, I seriously considered running away… But then, something really weird happened. I’ll tell you about it next time 😉